The Reasons We Choose
by deathofaraven
Summary: When Elena drowns she experiences a "moment of eternity" with an unlikely person.
1. Choose

**Disclaimers: I, unfortunately, do *not* own Forbidden Game or Vampire Diaries; they belong to Miss LJ Smith.**

**Summary: After Elena drowns she experiences 'a moment of eternity' and as time suspends itself she receives a surprising visitor who teaches her about the choices in her life. Wrote this last year for LJSanta. Needs a little editting. This is Pre-FG/Post-VD R&R**

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There was rushing water everywhere and oh, how it hurt! The water rushing into Elena's lungs was cold like icy daggers. It froze her skin and nerves and made her struggle. Then, as she struggled to get out of the car, she found it more difficult to try and breathe. But the water never stopped. The water just kept rushing around her and Elena's world stilled and went to black. Her eyes shut.

Elena opened her eyes in a grassy meadow. It was beautiful and sunny. And she'd never, in her entire life, seen it before. "Where am I?" Elena asked the age old question.

"I've never heard _that_ one before," replied a musical, sarcastic voice.

"What?" Elena yelped, startled. She turned quickly and saw the boy who'd spoken. He was leaning against a tree. The sunlight fell onto his white hair at an angle that made it almost sparkle. He wouldn't look at her, so she didn't see his eyes. Breathlessly she asked, "Who are you?"

"Just call me Julian, Elena," he said as he came over to her and sat down.

"If that's your name," Elena said. When Julian didn't say anything, Elena asked, "So…what am I doing here?"

"You don't know?"

"What don't I know?" she snapped at his surprised tone.

"You're dead, Elena," he said lightly. "You drowned."

"But-but-that's not possible! I'm here now, aren't I?!"

"Yes. But do you even know where here _is_?" Julian looked up into her eyes and Elena went speechless. _Oh. How beautiful_, she thought looking into his strangely blue eyes. She shook her head 'no'. "You're in between the worlds. Between moving on and dying. And going back and living."

"So, what do I do?"

"Well, that choice is entirely up to you. While you're thinking it over, would you come with me somewhere? There's something you should see."

Elena nodded and Julian brought her to her feet. Everything shifted and Elena found that they were in the old cemetery.

"Why are we _here_?" Elena asked, confused.

"You made an important choice that day. In other words, the choice to pursue Stefan Salvatore."

"How did you-?" Elena stopped. She got the feeling that Julian knew almost anything he wanted to. Rolling her eyes, Elena looked down at the scene.

"The blood oath." She whispered, watching herself, Bonnie, and Meredith pressing their fingers together.

"Yes," Julian confirmed. And things started shifting again.

"What was the point in that?"

"The point, Elena," Julian said, apparently getting irritated, "is that if you'd never made that choice, you'd never have been in this position. But you would've never been in love with him. Everything that's happened since is because of **_that_ _choice_**. Do you understand?"

"I think so," Elena wasn't so sure she did, but it made sense. Sort of.

Julian laughed slightly as the scene reformed itself. They were now in Robert E. Lee's darkened gym.

"I know when this is," Elena blurted out as she watched herself pick up folders in the dark.

"Oh, and when is this?" Julian smiled.

"When I first met Damon." Damn him, he made her confused too much.

But Julian just nodded and continued to smile as they watched Damon seduce Elena's past self and she ran. Julian turned to Elena, "You were frightened of him?"

"No. Not really. More of frightened of what he did to me."

"He made you forget Stefan?"

"Yes."

"That means something, Elena."

"I now and I don't care."

"Stubborn."

Elena nodded and hissed, "Then tell me, Oh Great One, what that one was about?"

"You'll see," he winked. "Don't want to ruin it for you."

Elena sighed as things re-shifted, taking a lot longer this time. Elena looked up at Julian, who nodded to the four figures leaning around a hole in the ground.

"The well," was all he said.

"Why'd we skip so much?"

"It was all important. But I'm trying to get it through to you that your choice isn't simply between life and death, but between Stefan and Damon as well. This just helps."

"I don't see how."

He sighed, "Maybe not, but do you remember how you felt when you found Stefan?"

"Yeah. I was relieved, thrilled, happy." Elena shrugged.

"And when you saw what Damon did to him?"

"I was furious. I wanted to kill him."

"Exactly."

Things changed again and they were on the rooftop of the Forbes's house.

"Oh God," Elena blushed looking away from Julian and the memory.

"What?"

"I don't want _you_ to see _this_."

"Why not?"

Elena just shook her head.

"I would have been thrilled to be alone with you on a rooftop," Julian smirked suggestively, and Elena covered her face with her hands. Julian sighed angrily and said, "Oh, come on, Elena. You're not a child. You should be used to hearing things like that."

"I am used to hearing things like that but not from people who look at me the way you just did!"

"And what way would that be?"

"Like you're a wolf about to _eat_ me."

Julian just laughed."I thought you were supposed to be helping me make choices, not flirting with me."

"Oh, I am helping you. I'm not flirting either."

"Sure seemed like it."

Again, Julian laughed as the scene changed itself. They were back in the meadow.

"Wait isn't there anything else we need to see?"

"Actually, there is," Julian said. "But you already remember those things. Just think about it."

"I need to figure out who I love?"

"Exactly." He stood up gracefully. "It's all up to you. Will you live? Will you die? Stefan or Damon? Your choices. I think I need to go now."

"But-"

"Now, Elena, you're perfectly capable of figuring out the rest."

She nodded. "Where are you going, then?"

"To see someone I've been looking after for a long time."

"Are you-well-are you…like…an angel?"

"No, Elena. I'm a Shadow Man. Good luck." And in the blink of an eye, he vanished.

_What's a Shadow Man?_ Elena pushed the thought out of her mind and thought over her memories. Should she go back? Yes. But for whom? For Aunt Judith. For Bonnie. For Meredith. For Matt. And for…Damon. Elena closed her eyes. Thinking about her family and friends. And wishing the Shadow Man luck. Here goes nothing.

When she opened her eyes, she was under a tree. And hungry. She remembered nothing of Julian or their talk about choices. And, worse, Elena Gilbert didn't remember herself.


	2. Back Again?

A/N: Hi, everyone. I didn't think I was going to do another chapter of this but I got inspiration, and a wonderful review, so I started writing another one. If this is liked, then, perhaps, I'll start an actual story. If not, it'll just stay these two one shots. Reviews are always welcomed. (Flames...not so much. :/) Oh, and my disclaimer is on the fist chapter. It's still, unfortunately, true. :(

Note: To those who've been reading my Harry Potter story, I know I need to update, but the computer all my notes and the story is on, currently has no Internet. Sorry, I'll update as soon as it does. It's also going through editing. Yay. -_-

~deathofaraven

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"_You can't die._" He heard Jenny say it as from afar. "There must be something to do. You can't just go out--"

Julian couldn't help but smile. She really did love him, then. "No, I'll dream anther dream," he tried to be comforting even though he knew it wouldn't help. "I've made up so many things, now I'll just go into one. I'll be part of it."

The Shadow Man hated himself for lying to her, she didn't deserve it. A sharp pain probed his chest. Would he die soon? If he was going to die, he hoped so.

"All right," Jenny's whisper sounded slightly calmer now. "You go into that dream, Julian."

He felt a flicker of disbelief under the pain. "You don't blame me?" Of course, she had to blame him! He'd nearly killed Summer. He'd stolen _Tommy_ and Zach. He'd manipulated and twisted every aspect of her life. He'd hunted her for years. She had to blame him.

"I don't blame you for anything." The best thing he'd heard from her, while awake, since she'd promised herself to him. And this time, he could tell, she meant it.

Julian still felt he had to explain. "Whatever else I did, I loved you." There was another sharp pain in his chest and this time it shot through his body, making him shift in discomfort. A far from logical, but very hopeful thought occurred to him. "Maybe you'll dream about me sometime, and that will help me get there."

"I will." Julian could hear the tears in Jenny's voice, though he knew she was holding them back, "I'll dream about you in a place without any shadows, only light."

The last bit of fear and doubt left Julian. "Nothing really dies as long as it's not forgotten," he said, meaning every word. His vision of Jenny was slowly fading, the image made him sad. Julian could barely feel her holding onto him.

"Go to the dream." He heard her as if from the opposite end of a tunnel. "Go quick, now." Her voice was fading faster than he could hear, and his eyesight was fogging over. Something important occurred to him, and he had to let her know. He wanted her to keep it, to keep a piece of him.

"_Your ring_. . ." He felt his hand slip, a faint touch that indicated Jenny had picked up the ring, and her grip on his hands were disappearing. No, he was disappearing from her grip. Panic suddenly gripped him as the world went white. No! No! No! There was so many things, so many things he wanted, needed, to say. He felt himself fall into nothingness and was no more.

~*-*-*~

It was the bright light that woke him. Not the heavenly light of the after life, but sunlight. Cold, clear autumn sunlight to be exact. It was completely silent around him. Julian wondered vaguely if he hadn't died, but had simply vanished and reappeared somewhere else, as he normally had done (much to Jenny's annoyance, he recalled). No, he was in a meadow. A very, very familiar meadow. Except, the last time he saw it, it had been spring and everything had been green and lush. Now, it was fall and the tree's leaves had changed making each one look as though on fire through the dappled sunlight. He supposed this was a nice place. He wouldn't mind spending his death here. Who knows, he thought as he sat down under a tree, Jenny might come here to see me....

Julian had never really dozed off before. Day dreams, yes. But falling asleep slightly so your mind lets lose, no. This time, it was the sound of light footsteps crunching leaves that woke him. He stood up quickly, ice white hair falling into his beautiful blue eyes, and saw...

...nothing. Not a single person or animal, the thought puzzled him. Intrigued, Julian went out into the middle of the meadow and looked around.

"Julian?!" came a shocked, but enthusiastic cry. He looked around and found himself being hugged almost immediately.

"Elena?" he sounded as confused as he felt. Hadn't she moved past this place the last time they were here? She had to have, because the elders had let him play the games with Jenny. A dangerous flicker of annoyance twinged in his head as the girl cried into his bare chest. He pushed it away and held the golden-haired girl. When the last tear fell from her lapis eyes, Julian gently pulled away. Yes, he was aggravated. No, he would not take it out on Elena Gilbert; though the idea certainly had its appeals. Again, he pushed that line of thinking away. Harming, or seducing, the girl would come to know good. He didn't know why, he just...knew.

Slowly, he wormed the story out of Elena. From waking up a vampire and trying to stop Stefan from hurting Damon, to Katherine chaining them up and torturing them. She stopped talking to him for a moment when she told him about killing Katherine and being in the sunlight, feeling her skin burn and crack. Julian had shuddered involuntarily. _Light kills shadows, don't you know? And of course the other way around_. The words weren't as amusing, as ironic, as before.

When Elena finished speaking, Julian explained, delicately, about the Games. Elena looked at him in shock. _We're born in perfection. But as we age, we become grotesque. It's inevitable-the outer form changes to reflect our inner nature. We become monsters._

Monster. He could see the reflection of the word in Elena's eyes. Julian prayed to Odin, to Loki, to any and every God that would listen to him, that he wouldn't have to deal with the crying girl routine again. The silence pressed on.

"Elena?"

She shook her head. "Sorry. It's just...a bit...much to deal with." She was silent for a minute. "Can you help me? Or...can I maybe help you?"

Asking for help, he'd expected; the offer, not at all. Julian looked at her sideways through thick, dark lashes. Could she have changed so much? No, she hadn't. She pitied him. He felt a sudden unexplainable burst of amusement and, with a slight laugh, shrugged, "Can you get me out of here? Make me alive again?"

Elena looked away. Julian smiled in satisfaction, of course she couldn't. If anything else, he'd proven himself right.

"I could."

He was lucky he was sitting or he would've fallen over. How could she--it was impossible for her to--"How?"

"I'm not sure, but I think I can." She appeared to contemplate something for a moment. "Can you help me get a message to my friend Bonnie? She's a...phychic of sorts."

Julian could laugh. He nodded with sheer pleasure. A way out. Back to Jenny. Who was probably with Tommy. Julian felt ill at the thought. If she's back to him, I'll win her back, he thought. I don't lose...much. He held out his hand and Elena took it.

Elena smiled. "I have a plan...."

~*-*-*~

Rain pattered the ground, making the air smell fresh and earthy, as opposed to the usual L.A. smog. Jenny Thornton was asleep. She'd gotten that way by simply listening to the large droplets of water, splattering on the roof. It was several months since the Games had finished. VGHS was out of school for the summer and Jenny still had a month and a half left of school-free days. It should've been perfect. Except for the dreams. Julian was always in them. Always there to kiss her or comfort her when she needed it. Whatever he did, it was _always what she needed_. It made her feel guilty to talk to Tom and act like nothing was happening, to act like these dreams didn't affect her. But she was coping. At that moment, she was in an extraordinarily peaceful dream of her and Julian cuddling and watching the rain. Where they were couldn't possibly be on Earth, but, as always, he assured her they were. In her dream, she kissed him softly, and she didn't wake as she was watched from the corner of her room.

As always, the light from outside the window only caught on his silvered hair and cobalt eyes. Oh, yes, he missed touching her and kissing her. But, for now, the dreams were enough. An idea sparked behind his eyes. Next time-next time Jenny Thornton dreamed, he'd be there in her dream. Not just watching. He didn't think he'd be caught. No, he _knew_ he wouldn't be caught.

The clock on the nightstand said it was 4:15am. He turned to go, to disappear in the shadows just in case.

"_Julian...._"

The half-moaned word stopped him. Was she awake? A quick look told him she was wondered vaguely if she knew she called out in her sleep-called out for him. The idea made him feel strangely light. _Take that, Tommy_. The thought was so sarcastic, that it nearly made him laugh. Internally he yelled at himself for not staying quiet. Was it his fault that he'd been in such a good mood since he'd been brought back? Planning and replanning until he scrapped the plans altogether and just let himself stare at Jenny for hours? Not really.

4:17. He sighed, defeatedly. Fine, he'd go and come back tomorrow night. Julian settled on one last look at Jenny, at the way her golden hair was spilt over the pillows and the way she gripped the blankets in the middle of slumber, and he stepped back into darkness and vanished.

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This story was written for Clairavance. I hope it was good, if little OOC. :/


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